Being nice is not the same as being kind at work.
One of the things I hear on repeat from business owners is that they don’t want to sound like an arsehole.
They worry that pointing out someone’s poor performance will make them sound mean.
They want to be the nice boss.
The boss everyone likes.
And in that universe, we’d all sit around on lovely sunny days eating marmalade sandwiches. Everyone would get along and every person would excel in their job every minute of every day.
Except we know that isn’t true.
In the real world, we spend quite a lot of time wondering why on earth someone thought their way of doing something was a good idea.
Why can’t they just follow the bloody process?
Can we please stop putting fish in the microwave?
And that’s assuming they’ve even turned up for work that day.
The message I give business owners who don’t want to be the mean one is this:
Giving someone honest feedback when they’ve messed up is an act of kindness.
It may not feel kind in the moment. It can feel personal, uncomfortable and horribly exposing. And you're right to feel all of those things - that part is completely real. (Also, I’m assuming you’re not some kind of psychopath, so it’s absolutely OK and normal to feel those things).
But it is far kinder to tell someone what isn’t working and give them a chance to put it right than to avoid the conversation, quietly build up months of frustration and eventually kick them out of the business because they’re “a bit shit”.
They may have had no idea there was a problem.
They may have thought they were doing fine.
They may have been completely capable of improving, had someone bothered to tell them what needed to change.
“My boss sent me a ‘hope you get better soon’ card.”
“Aww, that’s nice.”
“I haven’t been ill.”
🤣
👆Don’t do that.
Have the conversation.
Do it with good intentions. Do it from a position of support. Be clear about what has happened, why it matters and what needs to change.
But just do it.
There is a world of difference between someone who can’t do something and someone who won’t.
Your job is to work out which one you are dealing with.
If they can’t, ask why.
Do they need training? Were the expectations ever properly explained? Do they have enough time, the right equipment or the confidence to ask for help?
They might simply be in the wrong role. (If they are, it is still kinder to deal with that honestly and support them with dignity than to leave them struggling indefinitely).
If they can do it but repeatedly choose not to, that is a different matter.
You still need to be fair. You still need to listen.
But kindness does not require you to endlessly tolerate behaviour or performance that is damaging the business and everyone else working in it.
Nice avoids the awkward conversation.
Kind has the awkward conversation.